- Person: do you like sports?
- Me: i only follow basketball
- Person: that's cool, who's your fave player?
- Me: Troy Bolton
when Jesus knew Judas would betray him but invited him to brunch just for the drama of it all
- dog: BARK
- me (with the same tone and volume): WHAT
customer service worker: *apologizes for something very minor and inconsequential*
me, in tears: you’ve done nothing wrong, ever, in your life
Being done with college like….
help; my wife won’t stop pointing at people holding hands and saying “need me a freak like that” even though we are already holding hands